Dear Santa,

I know you watch over me all year and already know how good I have been, but I felt I might as well point out some of my deeds these past twelve months. I mean, you can’t have seen everything, right?

1. Rescued Mrs. O’Leary’s cat from her roof. Hey, it wasn’t entirely my fault she was up there in the first place. I made sure to mention the possible safety hazards of flying via slingshot.

2. Called the fire department after the Hendersons’ house caught on fire. The fire chief called it an electrical fire. It doesn’t count if they can’t figure out you caused it, right?

3. Ate all of the cake at Davey’s birthday party. Those kids are fat enough already, I was doing them a favor.

4. Helped Jimmy around while he was temporarily blind. Good thing the flash didn’t take away his vision permanently, or I would’ve been in serious trouble.

5. Babysat Cousin Jack while Aunt Carol and Uncle Steve were in Tijuana. Sure his vocabulary has doubled, but that doesn’t mean all of the words were bad. Just imagine how many friends he’ll have once he starts kindergarten.

6. Taught Little Timmy what happens when you mix pop rocks and Coke. I hope he learns a lesson from the surgery his brother went through.

7. Helped Mrs. Johnson plant new flowers. I swear my brakes went out, and those flowers provided a nice cushion for my fall. Better them than me, right?

8. Bought Mr. Jones a new window for the house. It was all the house’s fault in the first place. I yelled ‘fore’, but it didn’t move.

So there you have it. I look forward to Christmas morning to see the rewards of my hard work during this year.

Sincerely,
  Johnny